Quarters, nickels and dimes made no sense. I understood their value because Mother told me so, but why a silver circle was .25 and a smaller silver circle .05 seemed so indefinite.
This bothered my young mind tremendously. I could not get past the how and why? of the value. And by whom? It was not supernatural, like a tree from a seed; there had to be a reason. The sky was because God is. That was sufficient for me. But to associate a number with an object was so unreliable, how could I trust it? If it could be said that this is this and this one is that...then how in the world could I get by in life if everyone went around doing their own thing? God didn't make that quarter, so who came up with TWENTY FIVE CENTS?

I remember looking at the two silver circles, shivering cold and bare on the glass coffee table. I was nothing but frowning brow and bewildered mind - what an absolute, out of control world...
There was a tiny consolation that halfway smoothed my face: I knew every adult seemed to understand it just fine. Mother didn't seem perplexed. Adults flew sounds of 25 cents off their teeth all day long and didn't worry about it;  same with MPH (Dad had tried explaining it, much to the dismay of my 4 year old mind).
So, I decided when I was older - I would understand it then.

But now I'm remembering and bemused at my qualms of mathematical truths. I wonder if this isn't the key to learning most things?
Perhaps in thinking so hard, we think it all away. We are at our best when unaffected and doing what we know to do-currently. All else falls into place. We do not reach for it and pull it into place; it follows as we trust, now.
Or is it just me? I find this is my battle, daily, in most areas of my life. How I want to know! When I must only observe and wait, quietly.

I could not understand money because I tried to figure out the end from the beginning.  I did not trust; so learning monetary value was a time of tears, frustration and mind battling chaos.

If instead I held quarters here and nickels there, at some point, the value of them would have been absorbed much more simply and easily and without my knowing so.  Exposure brings clarity and turning over a thing or two in one's head, surfaces the outcome much more gently than trying to make sense of it, right away.

Isaac Newton says it best:
"I keep the subject of my inquiry constantly before me, and wait till the first dawning opens gradually, by little and little, into a full and clear light."


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